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  • Assisted Xangan Suicide (Edited)


    ALRIGHT, LISTEN UP!

    Yeah, you. I’m talkin’ to you, right there, on the other side of this screen!
    You’re in one of three categories: you have no idea what I’m talking about; you know exactly what I’m talking about; or somewhere in between. This post applies for all of them. So continue reading.
    I’m sick and tired of all these people leaving due to “drama.” Now, I’ve made my stand on drama clear before: I can handle it, and in most cases, find it entertaining. It can be fun to watch two or more people going back and forth over something that is usually insignificant. It’s like watching a good sitcom. That comes from part of my cynical and sarcastic side.
    That being said, I do not purposefully start drama with intent to cause pain. I’ve only taken place in drama for three reasons: 1) for fun, in which the other person was in on it: 2) defending myself, because the other person started it in the first place; 3) they messed with one of my friends.
    We’re going to focus on that last one.
    See, some people around here have been causing drama. Not the stupid drama that we usually roll our eyes at, but the serious-troll kind, the kind that is causing friends of mine, good people, to close down their sites, or to “take a break.” (How many people that take breaks ever come back? Not too many.) And I don’t like that. By messing with them, this person has now stepped in reason number 3, and a big, steaming pile of Tigah poo.
    I’m sick of sitting idly by while good people feel the need to end their Xangan lives, or slit their time on Xanga down-the-road style. I’m sick of uncaring, inhuman, idiotic jerks carelessly spewing their “drama” acid all over the place while they claw their untalented, deadbeat self up the Xangan ladder of success, leaving the blog-corpses of good, purposeful, talented people laying in their wake. We call this place,”The Xangan Community:” well it’s about time we start acting like it, myself included.
    From now on, if you, yes you (so long as you’re not the person I’m after) feel threatened, stressed, saddened, etc, come talk to me. Don’t punish the rest of us with your absence just because of one person. Even if it’s not from drama on Xanga, the same still applies. I’m here for you; I take that word “friend” pretty seriously.
    My rant is done. It may be too late for some, but hopefully we can save the virtual lives of others in the future.

    EDIT: Ok, I scrapped the whole group thing, that obviously wasn’t a good idea. I never said it was. But I don’t see anyone else trying to do anything. I’m just tired of losing good bloggers to pointless crap. I can’t be the only one feeling like this. If you have any ideas, I honestly would like to hear it.

  • Suggestions?


    Does anyone else see those Plugz of Dan’s, so people can get a Dan Yahtzee? Just thought I’d remind the world that I invented that game. If you don’t know what it is, see here.

    I’ve been pretty busy lately. So I haven’t been on as much as I want. When I have been, it’s just to post something (lately, depressing things. That’s changing.). But I should be on regularly (until the second half of June, when I won’t be on at all). And since most of you seem to enjoy my writing, and I don’t have anything to write about right now, how about some suggestions? Anything particular you would like to see me write? Some topic of interest?
    Let me know! And I’ll be working on the next Xeries next week.

    Have a fun Memorial Weekend!

    EDIT: Does anyone know what happened to TheBigShowatUD???

  • The Purple Piece of Paper

    I figured I’d take a break from my dreary mood as of late, and give you one of my most told jokes ever.
    Behold
    The Purple Piece of Paper

    One day, a young boy was in school, when the teacher announced they were going to do a project, and they got to pick the color of construction paper they wanted. When it got to the boy’s turn, he told the teacher, “I want a purple piece of paper.”
    What!?” the teacher demanded.
    “I want a purple piece of paper,” he replied.
    “That’s it! Go to the principal’s office!” she yelled.
    So the boy went to the principal’s office. When he was called in, the boy told the principal the whole story, then said, “Sir, I just wanted a purple piece of paper.”
    What!?” he demanded.
    “I just wanted a purple piece of paper.”
    “That’s it!! You’re expelled! Never come to my school again!”
    And so the boy went home. When he walked in the door, his mother was in the kitchen making lunch. “You’re home early, honey. What’s wrong?”
    So he told her the whole story, then said, “Mom, I just wanted a purple piece of paper.”
    What!?” she demanded.
    “I just wanted a purple piece of paper.”
    “That’s it!! Get out of my house: you are no longer my son!”
    And so he roamed the streets til nightfall, then found a cozy bench and fell asleep. Soon, a patrolling police officer found him and woke him up. “You’re awfully young to be sleeping on the streets. Why are you here?” he asked the boy. So he told the policeman the whole story, then said, “Officer, “I just wanted a purple piece of paper.”
    What!?” he demanded.
    “I just wanted a purple piece of paper.”
    “That’s it!! You’re under arrest!”
    And so the boy was thrown in jail. Soon, it was time for his trial. When the judge presiding over the case saw the age of the boy, he was taken aback. “Son, you’re facing some serious charges. What do you have to say in your defense?”
    So he told the judge the whole story, then said, ” Your Honor, I just wanted a purple piece of paper.”
    What!?” the judge demanded.
    “I just wanted a purple piece of paper.”
    With a bang of his gavel, the judge roared,”That’s it!! Thirty years to life!!!”
    And so the boy found himself in prison. That night, when the guard was making his rounds, he saw the boy in his cell. “Hey kid, it says here you got 30 to life! What’d you do?”
    So the boy told him the whole story, then said, “”I just wanted a purple piece of paper.”
    What!?” the guard demanded.
    “I just wanted a purple piece of paper.”
    “That’s it! Solitary confinement!!” the guard yelled.
    And so the boy was thrown into solitary confinement.
    30 years later, he’s released for good behavior. 10 years after that, he’s one of the most successful businessman in the world, having lunch with his secretary on the 42nd story of his skyscraper.
    “You know, sir, you’ve never told me much about your childhood,” the secretary said.
    “Well, I didn’t really have much of one,” he told her. Then told he the entire story. “And to think,” he said, “all I wanted was a purple piece of paper.”
    What!?” his secretary screamed, then jumped up, ran down the entire 42 flights of stairs, and out into the street, then got hit by a bus.

    The moral of this story is to look both ways before you cross the street.

  • Have You Ever Had One of Those Lives?

    Have you ever had one of those days? When nothing seems to go quite right for you? When things you expected to happen, don’t; and the things you didn’t expect to happen, do? When by lunch, you already wish you could start over? When you actually don’t mind going to bed early because that means it gets the day over sooner? When it finally comes time for the day to end, you lay in bed, on the verge of either tears or insanity, wondering why, and hoping the next day isn’t the same?

    Have you ever had one of those weeks? When nothing seems to go quite right for you? When nothing seems to work in your favor? When by Wednesday, you’re begging the weekend to jump forward a few days? When the weekend finally comes, it’s not the big relief it’s promised to be? When on Sunday night, you go to sleep with that sinking feeling that the next week will just be more of the same?

    Have you ever had one of those months? When nothing seems to go quite right for you? When you suddenly realize the month is half over, and you wonder where time has gone? When you know the whole month will only go down in your history as another big, gaping hole of a waste of time? When the last days finally arrive, and you realize another month has gone, and you pray the next month won’t be the same?

    Have you ever had one of those years? When nothing seems to go quite right for you? When spring arrives and you feel like last spring was just yesterday? When one by one, your plans seem to fall, or take place, but not nearly the way you’d imagined? When you suddenly remember that one person,who was once a huge part of your life, but you haven’t talked to them in months? When summer comes and goes, and you barely accomplished anything you wanted to? When you find winter is half over, and you beg the universe to give you more time? When it’s New Years Eve, and you realize you haven’t changed one bit, and all those resolutions are just dreams never to be fulfilled? When you know 10 years from now, you won’t be able to look back and say, “That was a good year?” When the clock hit 12:01, and you plead for the new year to not be the same?

    Have you ever had one of those lives? When nothing seems to go quite right for you?

  • Drifting

    Slipping

    Sinking

    Drifting

    Falling

    Needing

    Someone

    Somewhere

    Somehow

    To grab me

    Catch me

    Hold me

    Save me

    But

    They’re gone

    Missing

    Vanished

    Never again

    To be seen

    Heard

    Smelled

    Touched

    Gone

    Like I will be

    Soon

    Because

    I’m slipping

    Sinking

    Drifting

    Falling

    Needing

    Someone

  • My Valentine


    I walk up to the counter of the fancy hotel and wait for the girl behind the counter to acknowledge me. She’s sitting there, focused on a book, her finger unconsciously twirling a lock of her auburn hair. My first thought was why would they let a teen run the counter of such a ritzy hotel. But then she glanced up and called over her shoulder. “Jess, we’ve got a customer.”
    “Well, then take care of them. You know what to do,” a voice I assumed belonged to “Jess” answered from a room beyond the counter. The girl rolled her brown eyes, then smiled at me.
    “Hi. Here for the weekend?”
    “Yes. Two for two nights,” I say, gesturing to my friend, standing slightly behind me. Even though he’s older by a year, he always wants me to “take the lead” with stuff like this. He’s not really a people person. The girl, her name tag read “Cassie,” started typing away at the computer in front of her.
    “What’s your name?”
    “Aaron.”
    “And your friend?”
    “Sean.”
    “How old are you guys?”
    “I’m 18, and he’s 19.”
    “Oh, cool.”
    Suddenly, she stopped typing, then stood up and walked into the room from which we heard the voice of Jess. She was gone for a bit, then returned with a slightly older brunette. She sat down again, then looked up at me.
    “This is my sister, Jessica. And we have a problem. See, because it’s Valentine’s weekend, a lot of people are already checked in, and most rooms have had reservations for a while. So we don’t have a lot of rooms open.”
    “Sooo, we won’t be able to get a room,” I say.
    “Right. Unless-”
    “Unless,” Jessica continued, “you two promise to bring us as your dates to any party you go to during your stay.”
    I stood silent. This was…odd, to say the least. Now don’t get me wrong; Cassie and Jessica were both, very pretty. But neither Sean nor I were exactly chick magnets. I could count on one finger the amount of times a girl as pretty as Cassie had expressed any romantic interest in me.
    “So, you two didn’t get any invites?” I ask, surprised.
    “No.”
    “So you just need us to get you into some,” Sean summarizes.
    “That, and we think you’re both cute,” she says, smiling. Cassie catches my eye, and winks.
    Wow. This was bizarre. Definitely not something that happens to me everyday.
    “Let me talk to my friend,” I say, taking Sean by the shoulder and guiding several feet away from the counter.
    “What do you think?” I ask him.
    “Well, this is where we were told to stay, and the other hotels will be even more packed because they’re cheaper, so I don’t think we really have a choice. Besides, it’s not exactly a bad thing.”
    All he said was true. And it’s not like we’d be doing anything wrong. I nod, and we return to the counter where the girls stood waiting.
    “Alright,” I inform them. “We agree to your terms.”
    The girls smiled at us, then Jessica returned to the back room while Cassie finished typing some things. I handed her my credit card, which she swiped, then gave back to me. “You’ll be staying in room 138. We’ll be by around 7 to discuss our weekend plans.”

    The rest of my dream last night was just as detailed, and I can still remember most of it. The hotel was the same one Kevin Mcalester stayed at in Home Alone 2: Lost in New York. Even though we were nowhere near New York. Sean and I went to a friend’s party that night and each had an amazing time with our dates. The next day we went to a formal dinner (Cassie wore a simple, yet beautiful black dress) and that night had a double date, taking a walk in a nearby snow-covered park. I learned her favorite color was scarlet red (I found that out that Friday night, and wore a black suit with a red shirt for the formal dinner. She loved it ), she loves fireworks,  and liked my self-confidence. The dream was so real, and it was a blast.

    I love dreams.


    (Note to my readers who have their minds in the gutter, no, nothing dirty happened. )

  • To Whom We Owe Our Thanks (A Photoblog)

    So I’m sure by now you’ve heard that Obama is dead. Great news, right!? He had hurt our country so much *hears offstage voice* What’s that?…an “s,” not a “b?”…not the president?…Oh, that terrorist guy! That’s cool, too.

    Ahem.

    So I’m sure by now you’ve heard that Osama is dead. You know, Osama bin Laden, the leader of the terrorist organization, al-Qaeda, and the most wanted terrorist in the world, maybe even galaxy, seen here:

                                              

    Oh, I’m sorry, I meant “Sheen here.” I figured I’d get more views if I mentioned him. Something like it’d help me start winning. Anyway, this is bin Laden:

                                                   
                                                                     (Osama bin Laden on the left right)

    Horrible man. The world is undoubtedly safer with him gone. So, just who is the great hero who has rid the world of such a beast? Well, there were many stories, including his compound being nuked, he died while pooping, and Smaegol killed him, fearing his precious record as “Longest Creature to Live in Cave” was going to be broken. But the most credible and backed story is that a team of U.S. Navy Seals stormed his compound and shot him twice in the face. However, that’s not the end of the story. It is said that as the bullets left the chamber, a man leaped from behind and performed a perfectly executed Leaping Tiger Kick, removing the terrorist’s head just before the bullets reached his head. The man left before they could talk to him, but one of my sources sent me a picture captured just at the moment described.
            
                                       

    Yes indeed. The hero, the one to whom we owe our thanks, is none other than Chuck Norris, himself.

                                                

    So I caught up with my sensei, and, all though he didn’t want to go on record, he agreed to allow me to post some things about him.

                                                  

    Chuck Norris is famous for his role as Walker in Walker, Texas Ranger.

                                                

    But in recent years, the younger generation has grown to adore him, especially after discovering his demigod-like stats on Earth. Now his fame comes mostly from the never-ending list of facts about Chuck Norris. Some are:
     When Chuck Norris goes swimming, he doesn’t get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris’d.
     Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep, he waits.
     Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
     Chuck Norris can never have a heart attack; his heart isn’t nearly foolish enough to attack him.
     Chuck Norris doesn’t need to eat, food simply understands the safest place in the universe is inside him.
    I could post hundreds more, but maybe I’ll save that for a later date.
    One thing many don’t know is the Star Wars character Yoda was originally played by Chuck Norris.

                                      

    In this film, Yoda was the lead role, and he took on the entire army of the Sith Lord. In all, including the 5 minutes credits, the movie lasted 6 minutes and 27 seconds. George Lucas decided to chose quantity over quality and started over. Chuck Norris declined the role of Yoda, not wanting to be in the back seat during most of the action.
    Many people don’t know this, but Chuck Norris actually likes animals. He has two cats, both he trains in the martial arts.

                                            
                                                                                   This is Fluffy.

                                             
                                                                    And this is Cuddles.

    He’s a truck guy. Which is cool, because trucks are awesome.

                                           
     

    When I confronted him about slaying the dragon bin Laden, he said he would neither conform nor deny, but he did say he’d do anything for his country.
                                    
                                                     
                                                       Justice isn’t only needed in Texas, you know.

    So, is he indeed responsible for the death of the infamous Osama bin Laden? I believe so. It only makes sense that America’s greatest hero defeated America’s greatest enemy. So, thank you Chuck. The world is yet again in debt to you.

                                               

  • He is Risen

                                                             
                                                    Isaiah 53 (KJV)

    Who hath believed our report? and to whom is the arm of the LORD revealed?  For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant, and as a root out of a dry ground: he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him. He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.  All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD hath laid on him the iniquity of us all.  He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth. He was taken from prison and from judgment: and who shall declare his generation? for he was cut off out of the land of the living: for the transgression of my people was he stricken.  And he made his grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his death; because he had done no violence, neither was any deceit in his mouth.  Yet it pleased the LORD to bruise him; he hath put him to grief: when thou shalt make his soul an offering for sin, he shall see his seed, he shall prolong his days, and the pleasure of the LORD shall prosper in his hand.  He shall see of the travail of his soul, and shall be satisfied: by his knowledge shall my righteous servant justify many; for he shall bear their iniquities. Therefore will I divide him a portion with the great, and he shall divide the spoil with the strong; because he hath poured out his soul unto death: and he was numbered with the transgressors; and he bare the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors.

                                                    Matthew 28:1-8

    In the end of the sabbath, as it began to dawn toward the first day of the week, came Mary Magdalene and the other Mary to see the sepulchre. And, behold, there was a great earthquake: for the angel of the Lord descended from heaven, and came and rolled back the stone from the door, and sat upon it.  His countenance was like lightning, and his raiment white as snow: And for fear of him the keepers did shake, and became as dead men. And the angel answered and said unto the women, Fear not ye: for I know that ye seek Jesus, which was crucified. He is not here: for he is risen, as he said. Come, see the place where the Lord lay. And go quickly, and tell his disciples that he is risen from the dead; and, behold, he goeth before you into Galilee; there shall ye see him: lo, I have told you. And they departed quickly from the sepulchre with fear and great joy; and did run to bring his disciples word.

    “He lives! He lives! Christ Jesus lives today! He walks with me and talks with me along life’s narrow way. He lives! He lives! Salvation to impart. You ask me how I know He lives: He lives within my heart.”

    I couldn’t have said it better myself. Happy Easter! I will be gone all week working at my camp helping to prepare for the summer, so I will see you all when I return. Have a good week, and God bless!

  • Catnapped!: The Conclusion



    The story so far.

    Of course, as I sat in my dark office, thinking things over, I already knew who had stolen Ghost and Twitch. I was just going over all the facts to make sure I hadn’t missed anything. But I hadn’t.
    Instead of going right to the authorities, I decided to confront the culprit. No one kidnaps two kittens without a good reason, and judging the cat-napper’s character, I was sure there was a peaceful way to work this out.
    And so I found myself yet again walking up to the house on the corner of First and Main, past the Fiat Spider convertible, and ringing the doorbell.
    “Ah, Mr. Tigah, I didn’t expect you back so soon.”
    “Hello, Ms. Rumcake. May I come in?”
    “Of course. And I thought I already told you to call me Rummy. Now, would you like something to drink, or maybe a snack? I doubt you’ve had anything to eat all day.”
    My stomach rumbled in confirmation, but I couldn’t be deterred form my mission.
    “Rummy, I’m think we both know why I’m here.”
    “I’m guessing it’s not for another cup of hot cocoa.”
    “You have something that doesn’t belong to you.”
    “Oh?”
    “Two things, actually, which are probably missing their owner as much as she is missing them.”
    “But Detective, I already told you I was playing mah jongg at a girlfriend’s last night, the I-”
    “-then you walked home, because it was such a clear night, right?” I interrupted.
    “That’s right,” she confirmed.
    “Rummy, it was raining last night.”
    Her face drained of all color, and her head drooped a little.
    “That might’ve slipped your mind since you were too busy trying to get home with your stolen goods,” I continued. “But it wasn’t the only thing that you forgot. You left your step ladder under the same window you used to get in and out of Nani’s house. And I’m sure almost getting run over by Ms. Ivanov didn’t help anything. And you left yet another clue sitting in the middle of your living room; the litter box. You said you don’t have cats anymore, but the fresh presents left in the box tells a different story.”
    “Ok, ok, you caught me. I did it. But you don’t understand! I love cats! All my life I’ve had furry companions at my side, helping me through life. I decided to pass this on to my grandkids, and let them adopt my two cats. They lived nearby, so it was no big deal. But then, last summer, they moved, taking my lifelong friends with them. At first, I was fine. But it became so lonely around her. I found myself calling their names, only to remember they were gone. And my sister, she has eight cats! Eight! When she called, I could hear them in the background, mewing. It broke my heart..” She paused as a pained expression came across her face.
    “Then one day I was out walking, and I saw that young girl in her house, holding those precious kittens. She looked so happy. And I was so jealous. Didn’t I deserve happiness like that? I was one of the greatest racers of all time! Well, I made up some excuse to go up to her door, just so I could see them. That’s when I caught a glimpse of the window, and the plan developed in my mind. At first, I rejected it, but somewhere inside I knew I would try it. I was just surprised it actually worked. And they are such dears, cuddling up to me. I felt…loved.”
    “I know what happened wasn’t fair. But Rummy, what you felt, that loneliness, Nani is feeling that now. She misses her babies.”
    “I guess I didn’t think of it that way. I’ll return them. She’ll probably hate me, and turn me into the police. But, I did a terrible thing. I’ll understand whatever punishment they give me.”

    And there it was. Another case, wrapped up. That wasn’t the end, of course. I went with Rummy and explained the situation to Nani, who (although she was distraught at first, threatening to do something with a frying pan…?) understood, having been without her furry friends for a while. So, with a promise to never break into Nani’s house again, and swearing to bake a batch of cookies for Nani at least once every other week until death, Rummy was allowed to go free, and Nani was reunited with her beloved little ones.
    Now I find myself, again, at the corner of First and Main. Since my hands are full, I use my nose to ring the doorbell. Before the door opens, I whisper “Shhhhhh,” trying to keep the surprise quiet.
    Rummy opens the door, a look of surprise on her face.
    “Hello, Mr. Tigah. May I ask what that is?”
    “Hi Rummy. I thought I might bring you a little something to cheer you up,” I answer her, handing her the box.
    “Oh, why thank you,” she says, setting the box down and opening it. As soon as she sees what’s inside, her face lights up, and she lifts the two gifts from their shelter, cradling them.
    “I actually had planned on getting you one, but the guy said they were brother and sister, and I didn’t want to separate them.”
    “They’re adorable!” she cooed, hugging the kittens. “Thank you so much.”
    “No thanks necessary, ma’am, it’s all in a days work.”
    I’ve always wanted to say that!

    And so life in Xanga continues on. It’s not always easy, but we help each other out, and I’d like to think I help more often than others.

    —————————————————————————————————-

    Aaron Tigah………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..Like_A_Tigah
    Rumcake……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..bronze_for_gold
    Nani………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..Queen_of_You188

  • Catnapped!

    The 2nd Xeries: Catnapped!

    What you might’ve missed.

    They’re…they’re GONE! They’ve been stolen!!!!”
     
    Nani’s cry slices through the cool air, shattering the peaceful morning atmosphere of the neighborhood. If anyone had still been asleep, they weren’t now.

    Nani’s kneeling on her porch, head buried in her hands, as I climb the stairs and kneel next to her. “What’s, gone, Nani? What’s been stolen?” I ask.
    “Not what,” she replies, lifting her tear-drenched face to look at me, “but who. They stole my babies!!”
    Now this took me by surprise. I had no idea Nani had even one kid, much less kids, plural. I had no idea what to say, but luckily my friend and Nani’s neighbor, Sim, came to my rescue as he came up on the porch.
    “You mean Ghost and Twitch?”
    Wow, can’t say those are the best names I’ve ever heard. Poor kids.
    “Yes. When I looked in their basket this morning, they weren’t there!”
    Basket!?
    “Do you think they got outside on their own during the night?”
    “I doubt it. They never have before. But I did notice my kitchen window was unlocked, though it was still shut.”
    “They couldn’t have gotten out through it?” I ask.
    “No, I just said it was shut, and it’s not like they could have closed it behind them,” Nani replied.
    “Right, because…they’re too small…” I half ask.
    “And they don’t have opposable thumbs,” Sim pointed out.
    Yikes! Poor kids…
    “Well, how about I have a look inside and see if I can find any clues,” I offer.
    “Of course! Anything to help find my darlings,” she says as she gets up and lets me into her house. While I begin looking around, she stays on the porch to inform inquiring neighbors of the situation. As I look, I see things that immediately make some things very clear. Like the two bowls on the floor filled with milk, a scratching post in the corner, a few toys found in a pet aisle scattered around, and most helpful, and picture of the victim and two feline friends perched on her lap.
    “They’re cats!” I exclaim with realization. Now that I know who is missing, I can focus on how they have come to be missing. I locate the window in question and find it is indeed unlocked yet unopened. Directly under it is the counter, so one could easily climb in and out on this side without being harmed. I go outside into the backyard to see it from the other side, and there I discover two things about our culprit: this is in fact the entrance and exit used by the thief, and the thief is an amateur, for there, underneath the window, was a wooden step ladder, still dripping from last night’s rain.
    “Hey, what’s that?” a voice behind me asks, startling me so that I almost slip on the wet grass. The voice belongs to Kami, the other next door neighbor.
    “Hi Kami. I was just wondering the same thing…say, you wouldn’t happen to have seen anything suspicious last night, would you?”
    “No, I was too busy practicing for my performance coming up.” (Ah yes, she’s supposed to sing at the mayor’s birthday party at the town hall soon.) “Though it was a bit hard to practice with all that racket.”
    “What racket?” I inquire.
    “Oh, my other neighbor was out late last night, mowing the lawn, of all things.”
    “Hmm, maybe he saw something.” I thank her then head past her house to the quaint little home of Ringo. One of Xanga’s newest residents, Ringo has been here for around a year. I hear he’s quite the musician, playing anything from the guitar to the digaredoo, besides being a talented clapper. He’s a pilot of some sort, flying over oil pipelines to ensure all is well, or something like that. As I come up to his house, I see him in the garage, working on something on a table.
    “Hello, Mr. Ringo? Can I have a moment?”
    “Ah, Detective Tigah. Or course, I can always spare a moment for one of Xanga’s finest,” he says, shaking my hand. That’s right, he thinks I’m an actual police detective, not just a private investigator. If only my salary thought that, too. Oh well, he’ll figure it out eventually.
    “I heard you were up rather late last night.”
    “Oh, is that what this is about? I wasn’t doing anything illegal, I promise. My lawn mower broke down,” he informs me, pointing to a purple lawn mower parked in the corner of the garage. “I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with it, so I finally ended up taking it to Gerilynn, and by the time it was up and running, it was after dark.”
    “So why not wait until today to mow,” I ask.
    “I knew I’d be working on my special project today. After all, I have a deadline to meet. My mayor has to be done in time for the party, but I’ve only finished the torso, and just started the head this morning, though I’ve discovered his jaw line is a bit difficult to shape.” He obviously saw the confused look on my face, and so showed me what he had been working on. Sure enough, it was the body, and sort of the face, of our mayor, made completely out of duct tape. “It’s sort of a hobby. I build duct tape masterpieces, then sell them online. The city council saw my work and asked me to build a duct tape mayor for his birthday.”
    “Oh. That’s…nice. Listen, did you see anything suspicious last night while you were out?”
    “Uh…no, can’t say I did. I was pretty focused on mowing, trying to get done before it rained.”
    “Oh, well thank you.”
    “Anytime, detective.”
    And with that, I head across the street to Gerilynn’s house. As I walk up the driveway, I see her working on an old beat up jalopy. “Hey, Gerilynn. What’s this?” She peeks her head around the open hood of the car to answer, “They somehow found the mayor’s first car, and they want me to restore it to working condition as a present for him.”
    “Wow. Is it possible?”
    “Sure. I think. But the pay is good, and so am I!” she declares.
    “I’m reminded of that every time my car breaks down. Speaking of broken things, I heard you had an odd repair yesterday.”
    “Are you talking about Ringo’s purple piece of poop? Yeah, that was interesting. I heard it last night though, and his grass is shorter, so I assume I did a good job.”
    “So you were up last night, too?”
    “Yup. Reading an epic page-turner. But my body wasn’t as excited as my mind, and I almost fell asleep right on my couch. That’s when I heard that awful screech.”
    “Ringo’s lawn mower?”
    “No, it was after that. It was this black Mercedes that came tearing down the street. It had to slam on the brakes for something, then it zoomed off that way,” she said, pointing in the opposite direction of Nani’s house. Only one person lived that way…
    “Well, thanks. And good luck with that present,” I tell her, then I make my way toward the colossal abode of Ms. Aleksa Ivanov. Thankfully I didn’t have to trek all the way up her mile long driveway, for she was at the curb, ripping up what appeared to be today’s issue of the Daily Xangan. She was throwing pieces of it in her garbage as she muttered angrily.
    “…stupid cat! He thinks this is his town. Well, it’s not! It’s mine! Mine!!”
    “Uh, Ms Ivanov, is everything alright?”
    She jumps a little, then calmly turns around, smiling.
    “Ah, Mr. Tigah. Yes everything is fine. What can I do for you?”
    “Well, I was wondering if you could tell me where you were last night.”
    “This must be about that poor girl. Not because she has lost the cats, but because she had them in the first place! They are disgusting, vile creatures, and they should not exist! Especially the big jungle ones!”
    “Uh, well, I heard you were out late.”
    “Yes, and I would have been home sooner if it wasn’t for that mindless old lady, not watching where she was going. I had to slam on my brakes and swerve to keep from hitting her. She almost dropped her backpack. Would’ve served her right. She almost caused me to crash my Mercedes.”
    “Who was this?”
    “That woman who lives on the corner, oh what’s her name? The retired driver.”
    “Ms. Rumcake?”
    “Yes that’s the one. Now is that all? I have a very busy day, much to plan.”
    “Oh, you’re on the party planning committee for the mayor’s birthday, right?”
    “Hm? Oh, yes, that. Yes, that’s what I’m talking about. That’s what I’m planning. Nothing else. Just that. Now have a good day.”
    “Thanks, you too.”
    So now back to the beginning of the street. Boy, I sure am getting my exercise in for today. On the right-hand corner of First and Main, across the street from Sim, lives the retired Ms. Rumcake. She was once one of the greatest circuit racers to ever grace the track. Now, she’s one of those active senior types, playing golf and mah jongg. As I come up to her house, I see her black-with-yellow-pinstripe Fiat Spider convertible parked in the driveway. I must say, she has good taste.
    I ring the doorbell. “Well, hello Mr. Tigah,  please come in,” she says, opening the door.
    “Thank you, Ms. Rumcake. I promise I won’t take up much of your time.”
    “Please, call me Rummy. And nonsense, stay as long as you like. I enjoy the company of a handsome young man,” she says with a wink. Not knowing how to reply, I just smile back at her.
    “Please, have a seat, I’m almost finished making a fresh batch of hot cocoa. It’s nippy out, and I see you have no jacket.”
    “Thank you Ms. Rum-,er, Rummy,” I say as I take a seat on the couch and she goes into the kitchen to finish preparing the cocoa.
    “So have you heard about that new superhero?” she calls out from the kitchen.
    “Are you talking about that lion guy, Roar?”
    “Yeah, that’s the one. Didn’t you read the paper today?”
    “No, I haven’t been back to the office yet,” I reply.
    “Oh, well there’s a story on the front page of the Daily Xangan about how he foiled some big bank robbery yesterday. Too bad their leader got away. I guess none of the culprits are talking. Hey, maybe you two should team up? The handsome detective and the mysterious superhero, you’d be quite a team. Even if you didn’t catch anyone, you’d b the heart-throb of the city, haha! Say, would you mind coming in here and getting the marshmallows? They’re on the top shelf and I can’t reach.”
    “Sure thing,” I reply and make my way toward the kitchen, but almost trip over a box on the floor.
    “Oh, watch out for the kitty box.”
    Odd. I didn’t see any cats around here…
    “You have cats?” I ask, stepping into the kitchen.
    “Oh no, not anymore. See, it’s there, on the highest shelf. Normally I’d use my step ladder, but I seemed to have misplaced it. Thank you” she says, taking the bag from me.
    “Now, I know Xanga’s best detective didn’t come here to shoot the breeze with an old washed up driver, so what did you come her for, Mr. Tigah?”
    “Well, I wouldn’t say I’m the best. And you’re hardly washed up, but you’re right. I came to inquire about your whereabouts last night.”
    “I was at a girlfriend’s playing mah jonng,” she tells me, handing me a steaming cup of cocoa, complete with marshmallows.
    “I have an eye witness stating you were out walking.”
    “Well, I stayed later than normal. And since my friend doesn’t live too far, and it was such a clear night, I decided to walk home. I assume your witness must be that grouchy Ivanov lady. She very nearly killed me last night with that wimpy car of hers. I ought teach her how to drive.”
    “Yes, well, you had a backpack?”
    “Of course. For my mah jonng tiles. It’s not like tic tac toe y’know. You can’t draw them on a piece of paper.”
    “I see. Well, I must be getting back to the office. Thank you for the chat and the cocoa.”
    “Anytime, Tigah. You should stop by more often.”
    Finally, I return to my office. I shut off the light and kick my feet up on my desk to rest and think.
    There’s Ringo. But he has a solid alibi, and there was grass caked on his mower. It was odd, but it checked out.
    Then there’s Aleska Ivanov. She acted very suspicious. Come to think of it, she never did tell me where she was last night. She obviously hates cats, so maybe she decided to purge her neighborhood of them.
    Finally, there’s Rummy. Why have a cat box, but no cats? And were mah jonng tiles really the contents of that bag? A few other things don’t add up…

    So, who is the catnapper?

    the conclusion
    ———————————————————–

    Aaron Tigah/creator/writer………………………………Like_A_Tigah
    Nani………………………………………………………….Queen_of_You188
    Sim…………………………………………………………………..Simbathe2nd
    Kami……………………………………………………………………..x3style
    Ringo………………………………………………………..ringothepirate
    Gerilynn…………………………………………………….brokenheartshurt
    Akeska Ivanov……………………………………………………Cestovatelka
    Rumcake……………………………………………………..bronze_for_gold